


What is my purpose here?

by Skelly (KisuHat)



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game)
Genre: Nobody is writing Tubbo angst, Ram Hybrid Toby Smith | Tubbo, Ranboo is a Good Friend, So fuck it im doing it, Toby Smith | Tubbo Angst, Toby Smith | Tubbo and Wilbur Soot and Technoblade and TommyInnit are Siblings, Tubbo needs hugs, tubbo is adopted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:13:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29609934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KisuHat/pseuds/Skelly
Summary: Darkness seeped through his mind. It was so cold, how had it become this cold? Tubbo looked into the beer bottle and saw a reflection of himself, of a young boy who was forced to abandon his childhood over a nation. He takes a long sip and enjoys himself as the pain washes away.(Important note, Tubbo is 19 in this because I want to make the wars somewhat realistic, that's all :D)Enjoy my fellow Tubbo angst seekers.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	What is my purpose here?

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING! This quick angst Oneshot contains gore and lots of traumatic events. Please don't read if it's triggering for you <3

Tubbo was always said to be naive and too kind... and he would somewhat agree with that. The reality was that he actually knew when something was off about others but he was too kind-hearted to not give them a chance. He believed that people could always change for the better and that everybody needed a second chance... right? He also acknowledged that sometimes things go too far and that sometimes you need to let go but it still hurts nonetheless when someone you used to trust hurts you. It gives you the feeling of 'If I can't trust them then who can I trust?'. He didn't understand it, he did everything he was told to yet... why did he feel so alone. Why did people keep hurting him..? 

Tubbo sighed and pushed his papers away from his office desk. He was overworked and tired due to the huge amount of work he always had. No matter how many all-nighters he pulled it just looked like it didn't end. He was also stressed because everybody had high expectations for him because he's Tubbo, and Tubbo never fucks up, right? He searched mindlessly through the desk cabinets until his hand found what he was looking for. a Fancy beer bottle he had secretly carried with him. He had started bringing them with him but after once getting caught by Quackity he started hiding them. He knew it was wrong to drink during his work hours and he would most likely regret it later when the headache would come to bite his careless ass but now all he wanted was to fly away and have fun in his world where he had no stress and worries. His brown ram ears twitched in interest as he popped the bottle open with a flashy 'pop' sound. a Smile appeared on his face scarred face on the thought that he would escape reality once again and he put the tip to his lips and began gulping his 'medicine' down the throat.

* * *

_Tensions were high, nobody knew what to say. Tommy had pissed off Dream for the last time and it was time to pay the karma. Tubbo looked as Dream let go of Tommy's collar and stomped his way towards the wall and started building it back up. The cold wind was howling through the atmosphere, it cut through Tubbo's president outfit like a knife and huffed angrily yet Tubbo didn't feel cold. He only felt a hot rage boiling inside of him, screaming and roaring to be let free. All of this time he had kept it bottled up, he couldn't help it._

_Tubbo harshly looked at Tommy who happened to make eye contact. The blonde winced and his hands curled into fists as anxiety crept upon him._ _That was just the beginning of a depressing pile of memories he wished to forget._

* * *

Tubbo had exiled his best friend from his own country they had found together with Wilbur and his trans son Fundy. He sometimes wished he could go back to those peaceful times before Schlatt, before L'manburg, before everything but it had been years already. It was terrifying how quickly life fleed right in front of you, sometimes it's hard to even notice it. The days before the Independence war and terror were a blur to him now, all he remembers was the screams of other men and women as the war rages upon them multiple times. He still remembers it all clearly, as it was nailed to his mind like a painting. 

The horrifying amounts of dead bodies on the battlefield, the blood, the screams, and the nightless nights where he could hear his comrades crying themselves in sleep as the hopes of the victory were decaying. He had only been 15-years-old and was very lucky to get this far. He had seen many his age stabbed to death, beaten up, or just harassed and he was thankful to be in the dark for that but yet it still left invisible scars on his soul. He once saw a trio of young adults gang up on a weak 14-year-old boy to get him to steal for them some alcohol and it was not a pretty view. His old childhood friends from the snowy mountains, that he had met only once after the revolution towards Schlatt's government, told him that he used to be more sensitive and empathic but it seemed like that part of him had grown numb now. Wars change people, huh. Tubbo took another long sip.

Speaking of changing people, Tommy had been the last one to change from the war. Before the war, he was bold and full of fighting spirit and after the war, he still had the same spirit inside of him. He still made dumb decisions and talked too much when he had to be quiet but people loved him and got him popular in the army. He was like the glowing hope in the team who lifted everybody's spirits up while being hilarious. Tubbo, on the other hand, was often just seen as 'Tommy's friend' or 'Tommy's right-hand man' which was true but he still wanted to be something other than a right-hand man for Tommy. He was Tubbo, not just a right-hand man.

After being Tommy's right-hand man he was then completely thrown into a position as Schlatt's right-hand man after the election had ended. Schlatt forced him to look for Tommy and to put an arrow to his blonde-haired head. Even despite his protests Schlatt had pulled him by his hair and shoved the loaded crossbow into his chest that Tubbo caught with shaky hands. Tears threatening to spill he left the podium without saying anything.

Tubbo shook his head and pulled his hair, his head was now just filled with awful memories. He didn't want to think about Schlatt, he was a terrible, terrible man. He made Tubbo feel absolutely horrible to the point where Tubbo even considered just running away far from the lands but Tommy managed to calm him always down and make him stay. Schlatt often mocked him and verbally abused him and whenever he managed to stand up for himself, a beer bottle was thrown in his direction. The cherry on the cake was when Schlatt ordered Tubbo to decorate a festival that was disguised as a public execution. That day was probably one of the worst days of his life yet all he can remember was that he was tied to a chair and his older brother Technoblade had to put a bullet in his head.

* * *

_Tubbo felt his breath hitching as he saw Technoblade come up to the podium with a heavy crossbow that had a firework tied to the arrow. Schlatt's grin only widened as the tall pinkette approached closer and the audience was in complete silence. Some of them had a face that could read the room and knew what was coming and others were just confused and looked around to see what got the others quiet. Quackity who realized what was happening let out a nervous chuckle and jumped in, "H-hey Schlatt we can just imprison him, yeah? We shouldn't ruin the mood of the festival-" but got cut off by the furious ram hybrid who stomped his right foot to the ground once, "SHUT UP!". Tubbo tried to sign towards Tommy and Wilbur who was at the roof, to see what to do. Tommy was about to yell something but was pulled back into cover by Wilbur so they wouldn't get caught. Tubbo's attention was drawn back to the arguing pig and ram hybrid._

_"-You're gonna put the damned arrow through his fucking head!" The ram yelled. Technoblade tried also to look towards the roof where Wilbur and Tommy hid, for help but after not receiving any he succumbed to the peer pressure over hundreds of people in the audience. He slowly aimed the crossbow so the red firework was pointing right at the bridge of his nose. Schlatt laughed and let out a big yell, "THIS IS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENS TO TRAITORS IN MANBURG!!"_

_There was a flash of white, blinding light, screams of hundreds of people who had seen the horrifying sight, and the ripping pain that he felt tear his skin apart like a hungry beast. Before losing consciousness he could hear his best friend cry out his name._

_...._

_Tubbo!!_

* * *

After the festival, he remembered waking up in a room with bandaids all over his body. The room was dug out from the ravine and was probably Tommy's private room, at least judging by the number of times he had written 'I love women' with coal on the walls. The room was only lit with old lanterns that hung from the cave-ish ceiling, it was a lonely sight...

Tommy had walked in the room with food and when he had seen Tubbo awake he had dropped the food and tackled the ram hybrid with a bear hug.

_He still remembers his brother shaking in relief._

\---

He missed Tommy... he missed him a lot. Tommy was his brother and a best friend. It was always Tommy and Tubbo versus the world but now he had no idea where he was and he was completely alone, in the mercy of life that just kept whipping him harshly. He knew exiling Tommy from L'manburg was right for the country but now that he had done it a long time ago, he felt the regret consume his thoughts like always.

He sniffed and took a longer gulp of his bottle only to realize he had already drunk it all. His tears started leaking from his eyes and he threw the bottle to the ground, wincing as it made a terribly loud sound. He was relieved that nobody was close to his office at this time of the night... How long had he been awake anyway? It didn't matter, he was supposed to be working and now he was just acting like Schlatt. He was a fucking failure and he couldn't get anything done right. _You lazy piece of shit, you are supposed to be strong for the others yet you pull shit like this? I wouldn't be surprised if they stopped caring if you just jumped off already_ , the voice in his head strangled his nice thoughts. Tubbo felt a lump forming on his throat, no, that couldn't be true. Surely the cabinet at least cared, right? ....Right? He felt the voice laugh inside of his head and sadistically pulling his happiness apart, _Why would they? The last time I checked they yelled at you for acting like Schlatt and now past these 2 years you have grown distant from them, please correct me if I'm wrong._ Tubbo let out a choked sob and covered his ears, the voice cackled and continued, _I mean look at you, you pathetic excuse for a president. You are crying over NOTHING, even Tommy handles this shit better than you. You absolute moron, you are nothing but a disappointment to others. Not to mention you are also a shitty excuse for a friend AND a brother! Hah, imagine being such a failure! Oh wait, you don't need to because YOU ALREADY ARE ONE!!_

Tubbo let out a quiet whine, that was more like a sad cry for help. His head was spinning and his eyes drew tears just more intensely, not too long after that his chest tightened and he was struggling to breathe. He was going to die, nothing would save him now. In a world where he was abandoned by most of his family friends and left alone to struggle with his issues, only to pass away like the weak person he was. His entire body was shaking he couldn't think anything, sweat was starting to form on his pale forehead and his desperate attempts to calm himself down only got worse. He knew this was a panic attack but he couldn't calm himself down, all he wanted was some comfort but he didn't deserve any.

* * *

Ranboo was walking down the street, he enjoyed his nightly walks, mostly because he was half enderman and was more energetic during the night. The moon was lighting up the wooden path and it was really calm and quiet. After walking towards L'manburg he noticed that Tubbo's office had a light in the room. He wouldn't mind if I visited him quick, he should really stop pushing himself over his limits because he has heard from Fundy that he looks absolutely terrible sometimes because of the all-nighters he pulls. He made his way through the office building that was one of the dock's builds and walked to Tubbo's door. He knocked on it, "Tubbo? It's Ranboo, just coming for a quick visit if that's okay?". He waited for a while only to receive no answer... huh, weird. He felt something was off, terribly off, "Tubbo, I'm coming in". He turned the doorknob and opened the door. 

It was a heartbreaking sight of Tubbo curled up in a ball on the floor, sobbing and having problems with breathing. He hadn't even noticed Ranboo opening the door and kept staring at the wall as he tightly held himself. It looked like he was trying to hug himself, the lack of affection and comfort finally catching up to him. Not even the toughest can survive without comfort in this world. Ranboo felt his heart shatter as he approached the president who looked like nothing but a helpless boy who was forced to grow up too quickly. Tubbo's ram ear turned towards him as Ranboo took a step forward, he turned his head towards Ranboo and then quickly hid his face away. Ranboo slowly approached his side and hugged the sobbing boy. Tubbo also tightly hugged him back but the trying to get away from the touch, not wanting to look weak in front of the other. Ranboo pulled him back to the hug and it seemed that the shorter gave up and let his needs take over and hugged Ranboo again tightly. Tears seeped through his shirt as Ranboo gently stroked the shorter's head, "It's okay, you are safe here. Can you take an object and describe it to me while taking deep breaths?" Tubbo shakily nodded and his eyes darted towards the pile of papers he had thrown to the floor. He slowly described them while Ranboo helped him to calm down from his panic attack. 

After a while, Ranboo felt the other's sobs get quieter. The room was starting to quiet down but he still stroked the ram's head knowing that it was comforting for the other. He felt Tubbo's arms slowly easing the grip and going limp on his embrace, "Tubbo?". He didn't get a response and realized that the other had passed out and was now asleep in his arms. He sighed in relief and slowly laid the other to the floor and started cleaning up the mess brunette had made, his heart slightly breaking as he saw a beer bottle shattered on the ground. He would need to make an appointment for Tubbo because he knew something was off about him but now he had confirmed that he was struggling, it was time to get help for him. He would need to drag him to Puffy because he knew Tubbo was too stubborn to get help himself.

After cleaning up the office and the room he carried Tubbo with a piggyback style to his own house that wasn't fortunately too long of a walk away. He had already taken Tubbo's keys and after struggling a while he opened the door and walked inside Tubbo's house. He laid the still sleeping brunette to a bed and removed his shoes and tie. He after that left a note that explained what happened and Tubbo's belongings next to his table. He shut the lights off and left the house, luckily remembering to lock it after going. He looked at the moon that was shining in the sky, stars mimicking it with their tinier light.

_Don't worry Tubbo, I will help you._

**Author's Note:**

> Ayee thanks for reading lmao, I hope you enjoyed


End file.
